Work.

Not that I’m complaining cause I do make enough money to buy various homeless people dinner AND shop at Whole Foods, but I have been at my job for 13.36 years, which is 39% of my life. Which is crazy?  Yes? Yes. It’s crazy.

I started working there as a snot-nosed 19-year-old. Auto-didactic, awkward and ill-prepared for responsibility or work relationships.  I began as an intern and was kept on as a Receptionist, moving from there to Administrative Assistant, Executive Assistant to the Chairman, Office Manager, Program Manager, IT Manager, Assistant VP of Administration, Assistant VP of Communications, and now, VP of Website and Publications Manager (which for the record is a shitty title. I’d prefer Warlord or at least Master of Images and Concepts Involving Print and Web).

Always what I have lacked in skill I’ve made up for in tenacity and pure fucking willpower.  I have lived and breathed this company.  But not the mission or the work – the people.  I am completely divorced from the work we do and the thousands of people we help.  I think it’s great but I only vaguely know how it’s done (which makes me an asshole) and I am only partially interested in it (which makes me a narcissist – or vice versa).  The only time it matters is when I’m attempting to out-altruist (tm 2010)  someone.  I talked it up incessantly at my 10-year-reunion to offset the crappy car (2000 Geo Metro), lack of education (kicked out of college after two quarters), single status (40-year-old rehab boyfriend went back to his wife), and my inability to put on makeup (I looked like I got shot in the face with Homer’s makeup gun and he had it set to Whore).  It was my trump card – my St. Tabitha medal. [...]

Time.

If I had to do it over again I’d do it all the same way. Cause otherwise this wouldn’t happen:

Jessica and I call each other meatball eyes

I discover I love my Dad (I was 12 or 13. We went to his job, I was sitting in his office waiting.  I heard him before I saw him and my heart moved. I never knew I’d love him but suddenly and completely I did.)

I have Oren’s shirt

I kiss hipsters at the Madonna Inn

My mother secretly asks my dad what a “Lollapalooza” is

Vladimir and I watch TV

Stacy and I get tattoos

Hudson and I quote Ren & Stimpy all summer long

I play violin for hours

Shannon Jina April and I at Shannon’s place after school and Westwood at night

Mom and I go to Hawaii

I spend the holidays with Courtney, Victor and Ms. Martell

Nikki Giovanni calls me out from the stage

I have a favorite bike at Antioch

[...]

HBO.

You do too much, HBO! You’re not Superman!

Now, here’s everything you’ve been waiting for me to tell you about HBO’s Temple Grandin.

1. Kirsten Dunst was commonly referred to as Dr. Sunken Tits on the interweb a few years ago not because of her physical setup, but because it is an anagram of her name and it sounded ZINGy.
2. This is NOT Kirsten Dunst.
4. It’s Claire Danes. And Claire Danes is what happens if Dunst could (kind of?) act. ZING!
4. The trailer makes me crrrry and cryyy and cryyyy. “Cows. Do they have colleges with cows?”
5. This. is. goddamned. gorgeous. What font are they using?!? I want to live in it!:

And here’s one thing I can tell you about Funny or Die: It looks funny and I’m dying with laughter!

[...]