Fancy and Awesome

Fourteen.

admin — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 06:57:04 +0000

I was the most terrible fourteen-year-old alive.

Proof postive: A letter to my Grandmother in 1990.

Wedding.

ilya — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 21:50:20 +0000

I’m not getting married (ever. for the rest of my life. ad infinitum. e pluribus unum. trololololo.) but my ace homegirl MarshmellowFluffStuff is. Part of my duties as a bridesmaid is to scour the internet and be annoyed by fucking hipsters in love. Join me!

Wed in 60 seconds (Jeanna & Jeff) by Made in Camera

Christina & Jacob by A Bryan Photo

Ah, who am I kidding? I love love! It warms the cockles of my tiny cold heart to see people come together in a tradition as old as time (I guess – I’m not one for geography). To stand before friends, family and Dads’ work buddies declaring that to the best of their ability, for the rest of their lives, they will protect someone else’s soft spot. It thrills me. And gives me hope. Surely there’s an abundance of love in the universe. And if there’s an abundance, there’s gotta be some for me, yes? Yes!

[sources: 1. sloanphotographers.info/?p=989 2. jonathanong.tumblr.com/post/459585128/brendan-jennifer-brisbane 3. www.oncewed.com/10267/real-weddings/whimsical/yellow/adam-halli-2/]

Battle.

ilya — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 21:41:58 +0000

is proud to present

Keanu Reeves vs. Scott Speedman

wherein the author compares and contrasts the life and work of two great thespians* for absolutely no reason.

	KEANU	SCOTT	WINNER
Date of Birth	September 2	September 1	TIE (Creepy.)
Age	46	35	SPEEDMAN (More age appropriate)
Location of Birth	Beirut, Lebanon	London, England	TIE (Foreigners!)
In 1994, they were filming…	Speed	Nothing	REEVES
Most Successful Movie	The Matrix Reloaded ($281M)	Underworld: Evolution ($62M)	NEITHER (Shit movies)
Most Critically Acclaimed	Dangerous Liaisons	My Life Without Me	SPEEDMAN (You’ll see)
Best	Point Break	The 24th Day	REEVES (Come on.)

*superfoxes

(Happy Birthday, you guys!)

Fact.

admin — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 21:37:33 +0000

This is how I feel whenever I’m making nice conversation with a fella and he mentions his girlfriend.

Success.

admin — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:19:55 +0000

This is a slow 3-minute video but the joy you feel once it’s complete is immeasurable!

Suck it, Frogs!

Full disclosure: This is 3 minutes of a year-long video. Cause that’s how long it took me to figure it out. I’m dumb.

Here’s the actual link to send to all your 3-year-old nieces and nephews so they can figure it out while playing with their iPads: http://funstufftosee.com/frogleaptest.html

Ben.

admin — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 06:46:36 +0000

I may or may not have indicated explicitly what my views/fantasies/made up facts are on one Ben Affleck. It’s a complicated history we have. We met in the late 90s when he was young and thick in Dazed and Confused. We expressed more than a passing interest in each other as he perfected the movement of his chin in Mallrats and Chasing Amy. We started dating a couple years later when inexplicably he, along with his much funnier counterpart, wrote one of the best movies ever made. We got married when he big-budgeted his way through Armageddon (How bad does it hurt my street cred that I still cry at this scene? I don’t give a shit. It’s SO GOOD. God, I’m terrible. And an old lady). Then we did a trial separation. Right after Boiler Room and Reindeer Games. We didn’t even SPEAK to each other until that terrible fight scene in Daredevil where he and Jennifer Garner forefight (fightplay). We spoke coolly to each other (in passing) during Hollywoodland. Then in early 2007, he stood outside the tower I slept in, raised a boombox and serenaded me with Gone Baby Gone. We were back in love again. It was like the dawning of a new love cause I couldn’t believe that this guy that I thought I knew so well, could still surprise me so completely. And now, well, now he’s given me an island. An island where Jeremy Renner and Jon Hamm and his own crazy chin and ridiculous abs talk tough.

Zanna.

admin — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 15:58:33 +0000

Me:	That baby is wearing a bib and it’s adorable.
Zanna:	That baby needs to start contributing to the economy. And stop being such a taker.

TeenSwoonBeat.

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 07:27:45 +0000

Were I between the ages of nine and sixteen and presented with these two options, I’d probably just kill myself. It would be too difficult to choose.

Justin Bieber

Aaron Fresh

At thirty-four, Justin has a slight advantage – mostly because of these adorable lesbians!

via Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber

IWriteLike.

admin — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 16:14:50 +0000

What the fuck?

For Firsts,

Are you familiar with the internet meme ‘First’? It’s a trend that’s taken the comment sections of the world wide web by storm. It’s a competition to see who can react the fastest to a post – you win if you’re the first person to comment and you celebrate your win by replying ‘First!’

I write like
J. K. Rowling

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

For Unschooling,

I have no business having an opinion on any of the numerous “alternative” “methods” of “educating” “youth,” as I am unmarried, un-betrothed, without children, and literally can’t pick up a piece of clothing from my floor, BUT I saw a story on Nightline a couple of weeks ago that horrified me.

I write like
Kurt Vonnegut

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

For Work,

Not that I’m complaining cause I do make enough money to buy various homeless people dinner AND shop at Whole Foods, but I have been at my job for 13.36 years, which is 39% of my life. Which is crazy? Yes? Yes. It’s crazy.

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I Write Like

KTurn.

admin — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 18:48:57 +0000

Can we all agree that the interweb has officially become a competition to see which hipster can kick out the most obscure, random and and nostalgic reference? And can we all agree that I just won, cause I’m about to suggest that we get together and watch V.I. Warshawski this weekend?

Kathleen Turner, you hot piece! I’ve seen this movie more times than I can count and it’s terrible but DELIGHTFUL! Terrightful!

I’ve always envied her grown lady machismo. Even at 27-years-old in Body Heat. Is that character called a siren? Between that role, Linda Fiorentino in The Last Seduction and Lena Olin in Romeo is Bleeding, I really feel comfortable using my smoldering sexuality in a ruthless quest for power, revenge and money. Thank you guys!!